Another Day
Well Yesterday was hands down the worst day in my life. I’ll totally admit that I lost it. I totally balled. And Lindsay and I just held each other and wondered why is the world picking on us.. why did we have to fight so hard to have a child and then to have it born premature we know we risk losing him.. but this news was just kicking us when we were down. The idea that bleeding in Ayden’s head could cause him something very serious, was devestating. So I did the only thing I could do – I prayed. I haven’t honestly prayed in a very long time. There are days where I wonder if there really is a god out there. Maybe thats why this is happening maybe I’m being punished for a lack of faith. But if that’s the case then that’s not the GOD I was raised to know.
So I managed to get through a night and a day at work without a tear. It got close as each person that came up to me wanted to know how I was and what was going on and over and over I had to explain and relive it. This is why I created the blog… I can just tell people – read the blog.
so how about some good news?! hmm I think we earned some… so here we go…
1. Lindsay is in full swing she laughs ’cause I call it milkin’ time. the freezer is full of milk… I’ve heard that some people have problems with this.. Not Lindsay… there must be like a dozen or more milk containers in the freezer. She’s got to go and drop them off tomorrow.
2. We called the hospital to find out what the day has held for him. So we learn that he’s had another ultrasound on his head to see what the bleeding inside is doing.. we’ll find out on Thursday when we meet with the Dr. to discuss things. But the little guy is BACK OFF his breathing tube yaaaaaa he’s breathing on his own.. He’s been able to eat a bit of food to from momma which is really good, he’ll need to get some more of that.
So there we go he’s breathing on his own and he’s drank some milk. At this point I’ll take whatever I can get so now this is like Whooo hoo..
Note:
Just a word to all those people that have come up to us and mentioned that they want to help. We really really appreciate all your prayers and we need to all to keep praying really hard that all the blood in his brain clears out before it can seep in and do damage.
in the meantime watch this..
Yay for breathing and eating!!! Those are both excellent things 🙂 And I’m glad to see you liked the dancing squirrels… they should be required watching for anyone needing a little chuckle 🙂
My personal preference is to the Hamster on a Piano, but the squirrels run a close second.
You named your “Little Fire” quite aptly. The hospital is keeping him warm [heat], he’s breathing on his own [oxygen], and is starting to eat [fuel]. All the ingredients a fire needs to burn. He’ll get there in his own time, and in his own way.
**Hugs**
Hey Mark, thanks for the update… Glad to hear the good news about you and Ayden. Nice to hear you started praying – I thought you’d be praying during pregnancy and each day after birth; yet it’s good you’re starting now. In time this will all make sense as you journey through life. The God you know from being raised is a generous God but it sounds like one you need to re-connect with so he knows who you are and what you are asking of him. Glad to see you have recognized this and while there are no guarantees with faith – we know it’s HIS plan not ours that will be followed but keep letting HIM know your dreams like all of our who are praying for you are doing – and what is meant to be will happen… I’d alsol recommend an email or better yet a phone call to Uncle Jim and Aunt Donna – they are wonderful people who are deep in faith and maybe can help talk to you about some of this… Just having my Shreddies for breakfast this morning so thought I’d sign on and say “Hello” and say again so glad you found some positive things with Ayden and found your faith… These are both fantastic things. Grandpa Kunkel used to tell me “If you don’t praise God in the good times, don’t go calling on him during the difficult times” – I believe that is good advice – so it may be a good idea to not only ask God to take care of Ayden’s bleeding but to thank him as well for this wonderful gift of his life that he has given you thus far… In other words, I don’t think he is punishing you – I think HE has given you many gifts and maybe you may see that HE has given you these gifts through the hands and eyes of doctors and specialists but it is indeed HE who is in charge.
I notice that your friends are giving you encouragement after each day and that’s fantastic ’cause that’s what friends are for. Brothers on the other hand can be a little deeper and try to give you advice that is not written in the same fashion but hopefully is meant to be words of wisdom from past experience and from our ancestors that we can draw strength and guidance from…
Thinking of you each day. I’ll also suggest you go to church this Sunday and each Sunday thereafter.. It will help you understand more and help you chart your journey… For I believe God is trying to reach out to you and it appears you may be hearing HIM…
Have a great day – for this “is the day the Lord hath made”… It appears the squirrels are happy for this day (LOL)..
Matt…
Soooo exciting to see your update!!!! God does answer prayer…this past year had me spending alot of time praying for guidance….and remember that there is no medical reason Tory is okay except that we all prayed….so thank him for all the little milestones and keep praying for the bigger ones….Love to you all. On a side note i spoke with a woman yesterday who had two little boys in her childcare…big stapping boys…both born premature with alot of health issues that shouldn’t have made it but both did…and were punching each other in her wagon! Hears looking forward to Ayden wrestling with his cousins some day! xoxoxox
I left a reply but it didn’t save it hmmm well heres another one hope it works. I had the opportuninty to meet Ayden and thank you he is the most beautiful baby ever. I am hoping and praying everthing will be up hill from here and I have a good feeling today also Ayden has fire in him just like his name and it will burn brighter each day. goodnight God Bless your son and you both love your sis and your Aunty